Most people would say one bite at a time. The truth is, I have the elephant right here in front of me–in fact, I have created the elephant from its’ trunk to its’ tail–but there’s just no eating it. No matter how close I get, it’s not happening, so instead, I need a new metaphor.
What I want to do is befriend the elephant. There is a push and pull where I know I have no choice BECAUSE of course I do have a choice and I would never in a million years allow myself to choose the option to quit, so I WILL finish this thesis…sorry, ahem…befriend this elephant. But a new problem arises, where do I start?
For the last few months (or probably if I was honest, half a year?), I have dallied and danced around it, giving it bells and whistles, showing how pretty it looks and how genius its structure is, but without content, this elephant is only a fantasy. The problem is, that I need to finish this thesis to get on with my life because as long as it’s just a fantasy, my career is in limbo, and I remain a poor student, limping from part-time contract to part-time contract with nothing to show for all those hours NOT writing. What gets me up in the morning is knowing that I have created the outline of a beautiful creature, but as it started moving, growing and took on a life of its’ own, I became afraid of it. I am afraid of its’ potential and mine.